The Lost Butterfly-revised. Ch. 1e

Chapter 1e.

Angela soon became a regular to their house. Yoshiasu had to return to work so he asked his long-time friend to look after Fuyuki. She happily complied; she liked the young artist so she took him under her wings.

She took him out shopping and helped him to buy his own clothes. Yoshiasu was earning well so money was not a problem. Angela also bought colors and all the material he needed for his art and encouraged him to draw and paint. Not surprisingly, Fuyuki’s artworks sold well; though the first buyers were mostly from their close circle of friends, soon the outsiders got to know about his art  and liked it too.

It was Angela who introduced the young artist to the world of computers and Internet and she was pleasantly surprised by the quick progresses made by her apprentice. Getting in closer touch with the real world, helped Fuyuki to build up some confidence and a protective wall. He was still very vulnerable on the inside but this was known only by Yoshiasu and Angela. But being so much around them, made Angela aware that tension was building up under the surface in the life of the two young men.

As Fuyuki seemed to become more independent, Yoshiasu was  becaming more and more distant and busy. He even refused to go out with the two of them, pretending that he had urgent work to do. This particular change in his behavior hurt and puzzled Fuyuki. Though he did his best not to show, a veil of sadness started to dim the light in his eyes. One day, he finally burst out:

-Angela! Please talk to Yoshiasu! He is constantly avoiding me. I must have done something wrong that he doesn’t want me around…

-You did nothing wrong-she said, trying to comfort him. He is just tired and jumpy because of his work.

Fuyuki shuddered.

-I hope you’re right- he said in a small voice. Because I have no reason to live if he doesn’t want me anymore…

-Fuyuki!-protested Angela but the young man has already shut the bedroom door behind him.

Despite her best efforts to get Yoshiasu to talk to her, things were just not adding up. There were days when Yoshiasu was becoming almost monosyllabic, while Fuyuki was trying to put up a brave face. This went on until one day, when Angela showed up right in the middle of the storm. Looking at them, it became obvious for her that the two men had recently fought over something.

Yoshiasu quickly disappeared in the kitchen. “I’m making a coffee”-he said, while Fuyuki’s eyes were red and his voice broke as he spoke to her.

-He’s angry; help him, please. I’ll be fine…-he said though  obviously he wasn’t.

Angela patted him on the shoulder and went to the kitchen where Yoshiasu was fumbling with the coffee pot.

-Why is Fuyuki crying? What have you done to him?-asked Angela.

-Nothing-mumbled the other.

-Yoshiasu, what are you doing?-Angela was getting angry. Why are you pushing him away? It’s so obvious that you’re in love with Fuyuki.

Yoshiasu slammed the pot.

-This is exactly why I don’t want to tie him down to me. I can see that he is getting better and for the first time in his life, he can make a choice for himself. I don’t want him to stay with me simply because I was the one that nurtured him back to life. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

Angela shook her head in disbelief; she then grabbed Yoshiasu by the shoulders, shaking him vigorously.

-My friend, you are a fool! You are an even bigger fool that I’ve expected. I can understand your moral concerns but it didn’t cross your mind that maybe Fuyuki has already made his choice and that is you?!

-How would I know?!-shouted Yoshiasu.

Angela slammed her palm to the table.

-What do you expect from him, a solemn declaration, written down or what? For God’s sake, you don’t even realize how lucky you are! Here is this sophisticated, beautiful young man who sees no one but you and you’re uncertain…About what are you uncertain? Let me tell you something as a good friend: I can vouch for Fuyuki’s feelings. He loves YOU, that’s for sure! But seeing how you treat him I come to doubt YOUR feelings towards him: is this really LOVE as you pretend or just infatuation? Make up your mind, man, before it’s too late! After all he has been through, Fuyuki doesn’t deserve this!

There was a moment of deep silence. Angela poured the coffee in three mugs while Yoshiasu stood there, bent over the kitchen table and head in his palms. There was a soft rustle at the door. As they both turned, they saw a pale and shaken Fuyuki leaning against the door frame.

-Yoshiasu, I cannot tell you if this is love-he said in a soft voice. I have never known love before. All I know is that I don’t want to go on without you. Don’t let me go! Please…

Yoshiasu pushed everything aside and quickly closed the distance between them. He cupped the young man’s face with both hands and looked deep into those beautiful lilac eyes.

-Forgive me-he said in a coarse voice. I love you so much…I’ll never let you go. Never!

As Fuyuki folded in his arms, he buried his face in his hair.

-Hmph…That’s better-coughed amusedly Angela. Now let’s have that coffee and talk about the plans for the winter holidays.

The evening turned up fine and they all agreed in spending Christmas together with their friends at an inn in the nearby mountains.

The Lost Butterfly-revised (1b)

Chapter 1b.

The flat was spacious and comfortable. The modern, almost minimalist furniture allowed enough free space and the rising sun always lit up well the entire house.

Yoshiasu undressed, showered and quickly cooked something for the evening. He ate and washed the dishes, then took a beer from the fridge and sat at the window. The city was twinkling and buzzing in the night. The young analyst took a sip from the beer and watched thoughtfully the endless swarming of the city below. His mind was wandering as usual; just this time it wasn’t something leisurely done. He was back at the hospital, running over again and again all that has happened or it has been said.

“ Why? Why are you helping me?” Fuyuki’s question hung in the air and Yoshiasu still wasn’t able to find a logical explanation for his deep commitment towards the young stranger.

It was like some obscure force pushing him from behind towards an unforeseen future. He came to the sudden realization that he didn’t know everything about himself. He’s been always a well balanced, logical person, keeping his life in order. His parents died long time before and he took care for himself. He was intelligent and handy so he managed well in life. Good humored and considerate, he was liked at work and in society.

He had a small but close circle of friends, men and women mainly his age. He even dated a few girls but very soon he discovered that he didn’t feel compelled to go further into the relationships. He just shrugged and let the topic die out. He was never bored or lonely.

But ever since he stumbled upon Fuyuki his feelings stormed out and took over any logic. He wasn’t going to let the young man to fade out in an asylum; he was determined to take him in his care, even at the cost of turning his own life upside down. There was no logical explanation for the way he felt but he knew for sure that he would’ve died of heartbreak if he would’ve give up on Fuyuki. Those desperate violet-blue eyes, the eerie beauty of that face, the warm, slender body trembling under his touch were haunting him.

Yoshiasu shook his head; he felt drained, exhausted. He turned off the light and went to sleep. The night was short and restless. Fuyuki’s eyes filled his dreams…Yoshiasu showered, dressed up and cooked some eggs and vegetables for the breakfast. He was in a hurry; he had an appointment with detective Harrows at the police station. He took a cab and left.

John Harrows was a mild tempered person, a patient one but this particular case was getting on his nerves. Despite his best efforts he had only a scrap of clues. The victim was a total mess so his only hope was  the relationship that build up between the young analyst and the victim. He hoped that it  would help the latter to open up and give some tangible information about himself. So now, the detective eagerly waited to meet with Mr. Tanaka.

Yoshiasu arrived in time and the two men shook hands; they grabbed a coffee and sat down to talk over the data.

-I visited him yesterday and we talked a bit-said Yoshiasu. His name is Fuyuki and I’m very sure that he has close relatives somewhere. I’ve asked him about them but he reacted badly so I assume that they weren’t on good terms. I know this isn’t much but he is still very troubled and I don’t want to push him over the edge.

-Mr. Tanaka, you are most helpful. I can see that you are deeply involved in this. Mind you, this might become a heavy burden for you on long term…But getting back to Mr. Fuyuki, I have all the reasons to believe that his family sold him as a male prostitute to one of the wealthy…collectors. When the latter got bored, gave him away to a gang and finally he was dumped and let to die. He probably didn’t want to comply with all their requests. If we find his family, we might have a starting point. Until then, I’ll keep on looking into the branch of prostitution.

Yoshiasu sighed.

-I’ll do my best to help you but it will take time.

-Thank you for coming, Mr. Tanaka. We’ll keep in touch anyway.

The two men parted in good terms. Detective Harrows had a feeling that this case will cause a lot of commotion in the future. He wondered for a moment about the strange bond between Tanaka and Fuyuki; well, who knows what might come out of that? He sat to his desk and started the computer.

Yoshiasu headed to the hospital and looked again for Fuyuki’s doctor. Fortunately he was available and helpful as ever. They went to his room and sat to talk.

-Doctor, how long will Fuyuki stay in your care?-asked Yoshiasu directly.

The doctor fumbled through his papers for a moment than turned to him.

-I expect to release him at the end of this week. He is getting stronger and his bruises are fading and healing. Why do you ask?

-I want to take him in my care. I don’t want him to end up alone in an asylum. I take full responsibility for him and it looks like detective Harrows is supporting me in this. He hopes for some data due to our mutual trust. Can you help me with the papers?

The doctor was stunned; he didn’t expected this..

-Are you sure you’re willing to dedicate your future to the care of such a scarred and troubled person? This might prove to be very tricky!

Yoshiasu shook his head.

-My mind is set and I can manage with him. Please, don’t make me move with him to the asylum. I’m not superstitious, I’m quite level-headed but I have a feeling that it was meant for me to stumble upon him. So would you help us?

The doctor shrugged.

-It is most unusual but somehow I agree that it is in the best interest of the patient. I’ll talk to the Social Services and by the end of the week you’ll have both Fuyuki and the papers.

-Thank you!

Fuyuki was awake and dressed up. He was sitting at the window, watching the clouds running wild over the strong-blue October sky. Outside, the turbulent wind was scattering golden leaves all over the place and was pushing dark-grey cloud shreds in front of the sun. The youth was fumbling with an orange, trying to peel it.  He saw Yoshiasu coming and his whole person lit up.

-Yoshiasu…-he whispered. Help me with this-he laughed softly, handing the orange to him.

-I’m glad you like it-laughed Yoshiasu and quickly finished the task. He gave the fruit to Fuyuki but he handed half of it back.

-You too-he said and smiled.

Yoshiasu took his share of orange and sat next to Fuyuki. He watched him silently for a moment; he pushed a strand of hair from his face and rested a hand on his shoulder. Fuyuki looked up, eyes filled with unspoken questions. They stood there looking intently in each- other’s eyes, like trying to read the other one’s mind; then Yoshiasu broke the silence.

-Fuyuki, would you like to stay with me? You’re leaving the hospital by the end of this week and I have plenty of place for both of us…You can stay as much as you want.

There was a moment of deep silence then came a trembling “Yes.”

-But why?! Why are you doing this for me?!-cried out suddenly Fuyuki. He jumped to his feet, turning up the chair and buried his face into his hands. Tears were running down his face as he shouted:

-I am nothing!!! I am damaged goods! Why?! Why would you do so much for me?!

Yoshiasu was taken aback by the amount of pain and angst pouring from the young man. He embraced him, holding him close and whispered:

-I’ve told you before: I don’t know, but you can help me find out. But I’m sure like hell that I don’t want to leave you alone.

Slowly Fuyuki’s hands held to Yoshiasu’s arms encircling his shoulders. They stood there embraced, watching the autumn unleash its horses of rain over the streets.

Walk in Dream-waking up in someone else’s dream (2)

Before I could see who was speaking or even utter a sound, the alarm clock brought me back to reality, tearing off the veil of dreams. It was both frustrating and relieving. The strangeness of the dream left me with a slight unease. Even after I washed my face , I had a feeling that a piece of the dream was sticking to me like cobweb. I sipped my coffee slowly, trying to set my thoughts in a sort of an order, not sure of the outcome yet. Running through the list of my daily chores, several questions echoed back from my night.

 Where did the little boy disappear? Who was he? And who was the one catching me from falling? And why, oh why did this pesky alarm ring in the most important moment of the dream?! Well, blaming the clock was futile; no matter how interesting the night might have been,  I had to get back to reality prepare for work. I sipped my coffee and fled the house…or at least that was my intention.

  The moment I started to descend the stairs,the space warped and I was facing a steep tunnel opening under my feet. Startled and dizzy, I staggered and  stepped back till my vision cleared and reality fell back in place. Cautiously,  I took again the stairs and left the building. It was getting awfully late.  

~~~~~~

      Finding herself in front of the open gates, she stepped in without hesitation. It was still summer inside and the air smelled like sun. The grass under her feet swayed if the soft wind. She looked ahead, searching for the forest but this time, the scenery was different. She was in à deserted corner of a hill side and the meadow stopped at the feet of a high tower and a disheveled building that looked like an old mill. She walked towards it and soon she was in the front yard, where, not so surprisingly, a little boy was playing with his choo choo train on the ground.

     He looked very much like the other child, just this time he was a bit older. Noticing her presence, he raised his head and looked at her  cheerfully. He had a round little face with big,dark brown eyes, round little nose and a big smile. His silky hazelnut hair was cut short under the ears. He was wearing a white shirt and shorts, with a small bell attached to his belt.

-Hi!-he said with a clear voice. Do you want to play with me? Look, I have a choo choo train! Do you like it? My Dad gave it for my birthday!

-It’s lovely!-said the girl, smiling at him. I love trains and I never had a choo choo train. So, what are we going to do with it? I see that there are lots of pebbles here on the ground. Would you like me to help you build a road for your train?

-Yes!Yes!-shouted the boy excitedly. Let’s do it!

 He jumped to his feet and started to gather pebbles. The little bell attached to his belt was ringing at each move. He looked like an elven child in the meadows of the Sun. The girl stood up and picked pebbles and some scattered sticks, glancing from time to time to the little boy who was bouncing happily around. They soon had enough stuff to start building the path and they kneeled in the dirt, working together with the innocent carefree spirit of childhood.

-What is your name?-asked the girl, pressing a round white pebble in the ground.

-Jordan-replied the child. They call me Jordie at home.

-Jordie. What a lovely name. My name is Kai. Look, Jordie, we can make a bridge here for the train to cross the small trench. We could say that there’s river running under the bridge. You know, your name is the same with that of a mighty river!

-Yupiiii!-exclaimed the child. Let’s see how Choo Choo is going to cross the river!

~~~~~~

At first he lead the train in the path of pebbles, giggling and shouting excitedly. Then somehow, the train sped up and burst forward off his little hands. We watched it rushing towards the bridge of sticks, crossing it, then heading towards the tower.

-Yay! He’s going into the tunnel!-yelped Jordie and we both jumped to our feet and started to run after the runaway train. I caught his hand and we ran breathlessly, while before our eyes, the tunnel opened  wide its dark mouth to swallow up train, us and everything around. I wasn’t running anymore; it was the ground that was propelling us further! I took up Jordie and he held his arms around my neck, laughing happily. For him, it was just a funny game but I was deeply scared… For a fraction of a moment, the gates of darkness were  towering before us….then silence engulfed our world….

 When I finally opened my eyes, I couldn’t see anything in that black void surrounding me, except for the shimmering silhouette of warm, yellow light floating at a small distance. I was alone…again; Jordie had vanished from my arms…or not? Before I could answer my own question, the creature of light grabbed my hand and pulled me upward. We were probably flying to the top of the tower, because the small speck of glow I saw first was growing into a large circle.  I landed on narrow terrace going around the top of….a lighthouse. The creature of light dissolved into the brightness , yet I could feel the presence of a childlike spirit embracing me.

 The perspective opening from here was overwhelming. The blue-green sea was stretching to a horizon that was also the  shore of the Universe. The wind whistling in my ears was carrying both the salty breath of the sea and the dust of the swirling star geysers. I stood there mesmerized, almost forgetting even to breathe…Here, at my feet, foam-tipped translucent waves were toying at the base of the lighthouse, rolling colorful shells up and down the soft sands. The continuous rippling of the sea was emulating the swaying of the ocean of stars. Day and night were sharing harmoniously the same dome of skies, the same scenery, the same moment. I could hear light seeping through the entwined layers of day and night, falling with the sound of windchimes…or maybe with the sound of a little bell sewn to the belt of that little boy bearing the name of a river.

Cling! Cling-cling! Cling-cling! Cling!

“Jordie! Where are you?!” -called the voice of a young man, half amused-half worried. “I can hear your bell, you cannot hide much! Come on, Jordie! It’s time to go home!”

Cling-cling! -ringed the bell and we all went home. I woke up in bed and this time I was sure that my little friend was safely home as well.